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"Don't you recognize me, Crunch?"
"Maybe I would if you weren't hiding your face."
- The Paleman to Colonel Crunch, Bread's Crumbs 4: Mass Consumption
Colonel Crunch
Crunch1BC4
Crunch in Bread's Crumbs 4: Mass Consumption

Portrayed By

Russell Parkinson

Appearances

Bread's Crumbs

Tea-Eee

Bread's Crumbs 2: Electric Boogaloo

Bread's Crumbs 3: Scrub Slam (mentioned)

The Conundrum Dimension (archival footage)

The Two Man Trio (mentioned)

Bread's Crumbs 4: Mass Consumption

Affiliation

The Clan

U.B.N.V.A. (forced loyalty, formerly)

Status

Deceased - Killed by The Paleman

Location (at time of death)

Outside U.B.N.V.A. Headquarters

Colonel Crunch was a supporting character in the Bread's Crumbs Cinematic Universe, serving as a protagonist and a member of The Clan. He is played by Russell Parkinson. An original member of The Clan whose DNA created a clone, Crunch fought many battles against Bread Nelson and the U.B.N.V.A. to protect The Crumbs, and often went on vacations with Captain Jumpa. One vacation resulted in them fighting a civilian infected by a parasitic alien.

As The Clan searched for the true location of The Crumbs, they fought against Biscuit Savage. In the ensuing conflict, Nazi Mitch condemned Crunch and his clone to the Conundrum Dimension. Though Crunch was later freed, he was ultimately forced to work with the U.B.N.V.A.. Crunch escaped when Nazi Mitch died, and departed from The Clan after Jumpa disbanded the team. 

Crunch reunited with his allies when Bacchus reassembled the team, and found a new duty by guarding The Clan's headquarters. When The Paleman returned, Crunch confronted him outside the headquarters, but was stabbed with Paleman's sword. After he died by Reginald's side, The Clan buried Crunch and his clone in Mekron Woods. 

HistoryEdit

Colonel Crunch fought in World War II, and was at one point an adversary of Nazi Mitch. Both were genetically-modified so that they wouldn't show age or feel older. Many years later, Crunch became a member of The Clan along with his trusted ally, Corporal Crunch. Like the other members of The Clan, he dedicated his life to safeguarding ancient artifacts, most notably The Crumbs. 

Bread's CrumbsEdit

In the first film, Colonel Crunch is summoned by Captain Jumpa after The Crumbs was stolen from the Tomb of the Bacchus. Upon arriving at the scene, Crunch and Jumpa were confronted by Bread Nelson. After Nelson incapacitated John Bacchus, Crunch attacked him as well, but was struck down. A battle would soon break out against Nelson, who used a duplicate version of the artifact, "Fake Crumbs", to poison The Clan. When Jumpa destroyed the Fake Crumbs, The Clan regained its energy and Crunch joined them after the battle. 

Tea-EeeEdit

After the events of the first film, Colonel Crunch and Jumpa go on vacation. As they relax, Crunch encounters a mysterious green-armored being running down the street with tennis rackets. The individual is Dennis Palmer, a citizen possessed by a parasitic alien known as Tea-Eee. Crunch disturbs Tea-Eee, and Jumpa runs over with various weapons. In an attempt to confuse Tea-Eee, Crunch "turns against" Jumpa and has him drop his guns. After he does so, Tea-Eee becomes delusional and starts banging the tennis rackets together. Jumpa gathers his guns and hides while Crunch climbs a pine tree. 

Tea-Eee goes after Crunch, who kicks him down and attacks him with a leafblower. Tea-Eee manages to escape, and the two go in pursuit - Jumpa pulls out two pistols and runs down the street, while Crunch rides a RipStik and wields the leafblower. Tea-Eee makes it to a cul-de-sac, where Jumpa and Crunch confront it. Jumpa shoots Tea-Eee multiple times, but this does little to stop it. Crunch uses the leafblower to knock Tea-Eee off Dennis Palmer's head, freeing him from the parasite's possession. 

Crunch and Jumpa realize that Palmer was being possessed by an alien, which by that point is scurrying up the street. Crunch and Jumpa go in pursuit, with Jumpa shooting at it repeatedly. Tea-Eee then plays dead, and when Crunch and Jumpa walk over it attacks them. Fortunately, Palmer steps on Tea-Eee, seemingly killing it. Crunch runs up the street with Jumpa and Palmer. 

Bread's Crumbs 2: Electric BoogalooEdit

A year later, Crunch meets with Glen Tennis, who holds a meeting with the rest of The Clan. Together, they discuss what happened to The Crumbs. Glen realized that a fake version of the artifact was placed in the Tomb of the Bacchus, and it would poison anyone that tried taking it. Glen states that the real artifact is hidden in Mekron Woods, and he hopes to retrieve it and keep it out of the wrong hands. Glen then asks Crunch what happened with the "alien wig" that he encountered last summer, and Crunch uncertainly explains what went down. 

As The Clan further discusses recent events, Crunch remarks that he knew a nazi named Mitch back in the 1940's, during World War II. Shortly after, Biscuit Savage arrives and attacks The Clan - terrified, Crunch flees from the scene, and returns after Biscuit Savage retreats. Unfortunately, Savage killed Glen Tennis, leaving Bacchus in charge of the team. The Clan goes to Mekron Woods to find The Crumbs. Though Flynt claims the artifact, Nazi Mitch steals it, and off-screen he traps Colonel Crunch and Corporal Crunch in the Conundrum Dimension. Mitch pretends to give the artifact to Savage, but instead hands over one of the Fake Crumbs - when Savage consumes it, he is also sent to the Conundrum Dimension. 

The Conundrum DimensionEdit

A portal to the Conundrum Dimension has fallen in the hands of bounty hunter Bjorn Alvarez, who negotiates with Nazi Mitch to give him the portal. Bacchus manages to make an ally of Bjorn and hopes to open the dimension with the portal so he can rescue Colonel and Corporal Crunch, yet neither he nor Bjorn know how to do so. 

Inside the dimension, Colonel Crunch harasses Biscuit Savage with stupid questions such as "what cereal brand do you eat?". Savage threatens to beat up Crunch, who tells Savage that he's stuck with him and his clone forever, prompting Biscuit Savage to scream in horror. 

Between FilmsEdit

Sometime after the events of The Conundrum Dimension, Colonel Crunch was freed along with Corporal Crunch and Biscuit Savage. This was likely done by Bacchus and Bjorn, or someone associated with them. 

Bread's Crumbs 3: Scrub SlamEdit

While consulting with Flynt, Bacchus briefly mentioned Colonel Crunch and several other allies, adding that he "did hear what happened to them and it's very sad". Unbeknownst to Flynt, however, Bacchus had Sandy, Colonel and Corporal Crunch sent to work for the U.B.N.V.A. after striking a deal with Bread Nelson. 

The Two Man TrioEdit

Colonel Crunch does not appear in this film; he is only mentioned. 

After being absent from the third film, it is revealed that Crunch was captured along with Corporal Crunch and Sandy Sandler, and the three of them were forced into working for the U.B.N.V.A.. Sandy and Corporal were briefly seen in the third film working in the organization's computer room, but Colonel Crunch is never seen. Sometime after the third film, Colonel Crunch, his clone and Sandy escaped after the U.B.N.V.A. fell apart.

Bread's Crumbs 4: Mass ConsumptionEdit

When John Bacchus brought The Clan back together, Colonel Crunch reunited with his old and new allies. However, he was greatly upset when Corporal Crunch was suddenly killed in Portugal. For some time, Crunch guarded The Clan's new headquarters.

Upon his return, The Paleman would speak to a picture of the late Nazi Mitch and vow to kill Crunch, Mitch's old enemy. As Paleman loitered outside the headquarters, he was confronted by Crunch, who was surprised to see Paleman. The two exchanged words before Paleman says he has business with The Clan. Crunch demands that Paleman leave, but he instead stabs Crunch and leaves him to die. Minutes later, Reginald finds Crunch dying in the field. He asks Reginald to tell Bacchus he's sorry, before ultimately dying. Reginald is then faced with Paleman, who wants him to "send a message" to Bacchus.

The Clan then held a funeral for Crunch and his clone in Mekron Woods, though hit was cut short by the arrival of The Paleman and an ancient being. Crunch was later avenged when Flynt kills Paleman following the conflict.

Bread's Crumbs Cinematic Universe characters

The Clan

Captain JumpaJohn BacchusColonel CrunchVin DieselFlynt CoalGlen TennisCorporal CrunchLord TyresiusBig BeardMahatmaReginald WellingtonSandy SandlerKickRasputin

U.B.N.V.A./Villains

Bread NelsonNazi MitchBiscuit Savage (formerly)Bjorn AlvarezJumpa XBanny Passerini (formerly)J-1000The PalemanTea-EeeAxel GunnerKaine WestThe CreatorQuinn Diesel

Other Characters

Dennis PalmerJustin BartistoKosta BrandoPaxton